


Escaping Pain

by nineofhearts



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Brief suicidal thoughts, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-15
Updated: 2013-05-15
Packaged: 2017-12-11 22:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/803940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nineofhearts/pseuds/nineofhearts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-Glease departure. It takes place immediately following the conversation Kurt and Blaine have in the hallway. Basically Blaine can't deal with living in Lima so he takes off for a few months. Brief mention of suicidal thoughts. Also if you've read anything else I've written it should be noted that this isn't 99% fluff. It's angst and lots of talking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Escaping Pain

**Author's Note:**

> I realize that this is not at all in the vein of the spoilers we got yesterday, but I've been sitting on this since January. I finally went through it all and I think it's posting ready. Although I keep getting weirded out by it because it starts super angsty. I just really had to get it out of my system.

Blaine sunk to the floor shaking. Kurt didn't trust him. Kurt didn't think of anything in Lima as home anymore.  _Kurt_.

Blaine drew his knees up to his chest, hugging them tightly and letting his forehead fall onto them. By the time he heard most of the audience leave the building, he was a shaking, sobbing mess. Eventually, when he heard a janitor head down the adjacent hallway, he got up. No one had even gone looking for him. Well. That was par for the course. The only person in his life who seemed to listen to him anymore was Sam, but even he only paid attention or made any effort when Blaine came to him and looked utterly broken.

Blaine sighed as he grabbed his stuff out of the deserted choir room and headed to his car. What was the point anymore? No one gave a shit about him. His best friend in the world wouldn't talk to him, didn't trust him, had traveled from New York to Ohio just to awkwardly avoid his gaze and then ensure that Blaine knew what he had done was awful. Blaine knew what he'd done had been horrible. He didn't need all the crap he was getting from everyone about it. Kurt was one thing. He  _deserved_  it from Kurt, but everyone else kept throwing him horrible thing after horrible thing. He needed a time machine. He needed to go back and erase the doubt he'd felt then. He needed to go back in time and find a way to tell Kurt about what his feelings were. Or  _something_. Cheating had been the absolute wrong way to deal with his feelings of insecurity about their relationship and his loneliness. And he  _knew_  that. He knew it better than anyone. But he'd done it and now he had to live with the consequences... or maybe he didn't.

Blaine was halfway home when the thought hit him. It wasn't as though anyone would miss him. Kurt hated his guts, Rachel didn't care, New Directions barely paid him any attention, his friends in the Warblers had mostly graduated and moved on to new lives, and it's not as though his parents were ever really home or eager to see him. He could just drive off the side of the road and no one would realize he was gone for days, let alone care all that much.

In the end, he decided that killing himself would be letting himself off easy. He deserved to suffer more for what he had done to Kurt. Instead, he went home, packed a bag, raided his piggy bank, and then left a note for his parents. It read:

Dear Mom and Dad,

I'm leaving home for a while. I signed up to get my GED online, so don't worry about that. I just can't be here right now. I'm driving towards California. I'm thinking of trying to find a job there to pay for a place to live. I'm sorry I'm telling you in a note and I'm sorry I'm leaving. I just can't be here anymore. There are too many memories of Kurt and every time I wake up, I die a little bit more inside because of what I did to him. I can't do it anymore. If I stay here much longer, I'm going to crumble and wash away. You can call me if you want; I'm not changing my phone number or anything.

I miss you.  
Love,  
Blaine

Kurt hadn't heard from Blaine since he had gone home to see Grease. He'd honestly expected Blaine to keep trying, but apparently he was finally leaving Kurt alone. With one last text four hours after Grease - "I'm sorry. I'll stop wasting your time" - Blaine had actually stopped trying to persuade Kurt to take him back. It was odd though, because despite the silence for the past two weeks that Kurt had been craving, he felt even more lost. He couldn't even talk to anyone about it, not really.

His dad, after his initial disbelief turned into anger, had finally settled into telling Kurt he needed to sort out his feelings and talk to Blaine because there was clearly more to the story and both of them needed to talk about it in order to get over it or move on. Rachel was too focused on Brody and being anti-Lima, meaning that she wouldn't let Kurt get four words out about Blaine without turning it into a rant about Finn. He did not want to tell anyone else about what had happened, so he could not talk to other friends about it. Even if Blaine had told Tina – or someone who was still in New Directions – the details of their breakup, it wasn't as though Kurt could talk to them about it because chances were that they were spending time with Blaine and would tell him what Kurt said.

Eventually, the day before Thanksgiving, Kurt's boss, Isabelle, told him that at the end of relationships she always needed closure. There had to be forgiveness before she was really done with it. This was why Kurt was calling Blaine at 4pm on Thanksgiving.

After the third ring, Kurt began to grow nervous. He was almost hoping that Blaine wouldn't answer. He didn't even know what to say. Just as he was about to hang up the phone there was a click at the other end.

"...Hello?"

"Hi."

"Kurt?" The voice at the other end sounded somewhat confused and nervous, but not necessarily unhappy to hear Kurt's voice. "Are you okay? Why are you calling me?"

"I don't really know actually... it's Thanksgiving and it's Sectionals and I just wanted to call you." Shit, what was Kurt doing. He really shouldn't have called. At the very least he should have come up with a game plan because hearing Blaine's voice hurt.

"I, umm" Blaine breathed out nervously. "Wait, are you at Sectionals?"

"No, I'm in New York. Rachel and I decided to throw our own little shindig at the apartment and it has so far proved quite interesting. Anyways... have you guys performed yet? Do you have a solo?"

Blaine was silent for a moment, drawing a loud breath that sounded as though it was concealing a quiet sob, before he finally spoke. "I- Did no one tell you?"

"Tell me what?" Kurt asked, confused.

"I'm not... crap." Blaine sniffed. "I have no idea what it means that no one told you. I thought someone would."

When it seemed clear that Blaine wasn't going to continue talking, Kurt finally spoke. He was incredibly nervous though, and he felt as though the bottom of his stomach had dropped out. He felt cold and fearful and he didn't know why. "Blaine, what are you talking about? Please tell me. Did anyone tell me what?"

Blaine sighed in resignation. "I'm not part of New Directions anymore."

"You quit?" Kurt asked in shock. "Why would you do that? You love glee and singing. How did you even manage to do that? I can't see Mr. Schue letting you quit, especially not so close to Sectionals."

"I- well, that's the thing. I'm not really in Lima anymore?"

"Blaine?"

"I'm-" Blaine made a frustrated noise that seemed to be directed at himself. "I'm in San Diego."

"What?" Kurt asked completely confused, sitting up straighter and snapping to attention.

"See this is why I thought someone might have told you... I moved out here like three weeks ago. Right after – well," Kurt heard him swallow. "Right after Grease."

"Your family moved!?" Kurt practically shouted into the phone.

"Well, no. I moved. My family stayed."

" _Blaine_." Kurt gritted out. "What the  _fuck_  is going on. Please tell me this is a joke and you're about to tell me you had a kick ass solo at Sectionals and you guys won first place." Kurt was gripping the fire escape railing tightly trying not to throw up. How had he not known about this? How had no one even told him or Rachel? Finn was practically _running_  the glee club and he had not even mentioned it to Kurt. Blaine was – is – his best friend. And he had no freaking clue that he had decided to up and move to San Diego.

"...The night you came to see Grease. Well, I. Shit. Kurt I don't want you to have to deal with my issues. I'm fine, my parents know where I am, everything's just a bit of a mess right now. It's getting better though, it's just – taking some time."

"Blaine." Kurt managed to get out around the lump in his throat "please just tell me. I swear I won't get mad at you. I just need to figure out why the  _hell_ you're suddenly in California and then I need to call Finn and Tina and demand why I had zero knowledge of this."

Blaine sighed. "Promise that you'll let me tell you the whole story then? Start to finish? Minimal interruptions?"

"I- yes. Yes I can do that." Kurt sank to the ground on the fire escape, clutching the phone and pressing it to his ear. "Please tell me."

There was a long silence before Blaine finally spoke. "January of last year-"

_"JANUARY!?"_  Kurt cried out incredulously.

"Can you just... can you just listen, please, Kurt" Blaine asked pleadingly, tears muddying his voice slightly.

Kurt took a deep, steadying breath. "Yes, yeah, I'm sorry."

"Ok, so in January this guy Sebastian somehow got a bunch of my friends in on a plan to slushie my boyfriend. I don't think anyone but Sebastion knew it had rock salt in it, but they agreed to slushy him nonetheless. I don't know what hurt more when that happened, the fact that my cornea was burning or the fact that some of the guys who had helped get me back on my feet after everything happened at my old school, just turned their backs like that. Regardless, they may have apologized, but things haven't been the same between us since."

Blaine fell silent for a moment, seeming to gather himself before he continued. "Then there was my boyfriend himself. He didn't mean to, I know he didn't, but his talk steadily became consumed by plans for the next year. Plans to live in New York with his best friend. To go to school. To start this brand new exciting life that didn't have me in it."

"Blai-" Kurt tried to interrupt, but Blaine kept talking.

"I know he didn't mean anything by it. I understood, I really did. I would have been psyched too. In fact, I was really excited for him, I was just... really sad for myself. Him leaving meant I wouldn't see him every day. He would have this completely separate life. He wouldn't need me. At all. I was really afraid that he would forget about me."

At this point, Kurt wanted to interrupt, but he couldn't. He was struggling not to start crying because Blaine sounded so  _lost_  and he had never even realized. He could tell that Blaine needed to keep plowing through though, or else he would lose it completely.

"Eventually, I confessed my fears to him after almost losing him before he had even left Ohio. He assured me that it would be ok and that we'd be together still and see each other all the time. I knew we wouldn't get to visit each other every weekend, but I believed him about the other stuff. Even if I still kind of had my doubts come June. But in the end, even though he didn't get into his dream school - which is still one of the stupidest decisions in the world if you ask me -"

Kurt chuckled quietly into the phone, wiping away a few tears that were running down his cheek "I insisted that he go to New York. Lima wasn't the place for him. It never was, really, and I hated seeing him stuck there with no drive. So I pushed him out the door, as much as I selfishly didn't want him to leave me.

"At first, things were fine. I missed him, I missed him a  _lot,_  but I joined an absurd about of clubs to distract myself. I even ran for Class President. That's actually when things really got bad. He got an internship for and I was really  _really_  proud of him. I still  _am_  proud of him. But it meant that he suddenly had even less time. I tried to be ok with it, I tried to remind myself of the future, but the present just sucked." Blaine drew in a shaky breath and continued.

"The new members of New Directions were caught up in their own nonsense, and the older members just... none of them would listen. They didn't care. And it's not like I could really get good advice from my parents when they would rather that I didn't date until after graduation. I had no one to talk to, and my boyfriend was busy, which I understood, but he never had time for me anymore. Even when we were talking, there would be something else from his new life pulling him away.

"At first it was frustrating, but then it just became painful. And I couldn't even tell him about it because I never got the chance to actually talk to him. When I won Class President? I was  _so_  excited, I was  _so_  happy, and I called him to share the news during my victory party that Sam setup, but my call got sent to voicemail after two rings. That's when I finally said something about it to Sam. He was sympathetic, but what can you say to a guy who just realized that he transferred schools to be with his boyfriend only to be surprised when said boyfriend wasn't there the next year. I just felt so  _so_  alone in that moment. It may have been my victory party, but the people there were barely even my friends."

"I am so, so sorry Blaine" Kurt whispered, attempting to hold back his sobs at how utterly broken Blaine's voice sounded at this point.

"He called me at school a week or two later" Blaine pressed on. "And we got to talk for about a minute but then he was pulled away because he was at work. I told him I loved him right before he hung up, but all I got in response was a dial tone. That was when I lost it."

The window behind Kurt slid open wider and Rachel stuck her head out. "Kurt? The turkey is almost ready. You coming in?"

Kurt shook his head, trying to shoo her away as Blaine continued talking.

"What are you even doing out here? Are you on the phone?" She paused, peering through the window to get a closer look at him. "You're crying, are you ok?"

"I'm- Rachel. Will you please just go back inside? I will talk to you later. Just, try to save some food for me or something?"

Kurt heard Blaine stop talking and hiccup quietly into the phone while he shoved Rachel's head back into the apartment.

"I'm sorry about that Blaine, the turkey's apparently ready and she doesn't know when to leave."

"It's ok" Blaine blew his nose into a tissue "you can go eat."

"No- I. Please keep talking? Please? I- clearly we've been failing at communicating and I need you to tell me all of this."

"Okay...Where was I? Oh. Yeah." Blaine took a breath and continued. "After that I wandered into the empty choir room and sat down. I had study hall next so skipping it wasn't a problem. I finally responded to this guy from a LGBT facebook group I'd joined a while ago. I... I left school and went over to his place. I was just-" Blaine let out a small sob but continued. "I was so lost. You were moving on with your life and I was firmly being left behind and I couldn't even talk to you about it. I was- I was doubting that we were meant to be together. I wanted to know that I could feel even a fraction of the way I feel when I'm with you, with someone else, so that when you broke up with me, I would know I could feel about someone else the way I felt with you. And do you want to know what the worst part was?"

"What?" Kurt choked out.

"Right after it happened, I knew I'd made the worst mistake in the world. I let another guy touch me. I sought that out. I touched  _him_. I invited him to touch  _me._  I have a pair of pants that I had to throw out because his hand was in there. I couldn't look at them without wanting to throw myself off a cliff. I- Kurt" Blaine sobbed, voice breaking on Kurt's name. "I knew for sure that you were it for me the  _moment_  after it happened. But there was nothing I could do to take it back. So the next day I hopped on a plane to go apologize, and grovel, and pray that we'd somehow survive. I didn't think we would, but I hoped..."

Blaine trailed off but Kurt could still hear him sniffling in the background.

"After that I kind of just fell apart completely. Barely anyone seemed to notice. Or if they did, they ignored it. I even- I don't know if Finn told you, but I auditioned for Grease with Hopelessly Devoted to You. They wanted me for the lead but I said no, and I just... I ran off that stage  _crying_ after telling them I couldn't possibly do it after what I'd done to you and neither of them said a word about it. They just continued moving through auditions because I didn't matter to them, just like I didn't seem to matter to anyone else."

"Blain-"

"Sam did eventually talk to me, but... well he listened for a minute and then told me everyone felt that way after a breakup but that I would be okay. He just- I appreciated the effort because he's the first one to have really listened since you left, but he didn't understand. He's never felt for anyone the way that I do about you."

Blaine seemed to pause for a moment as Kurt blew his nose loudly, but then he continued.

"I somehow got through rehearsals as Teen Angel and got through school and life, but it was days filled with emptiness. I really don't know how I did it. Then it was time to perform and... well, you were there. You'd ignored all my attempts to talk to you before that, so I had kind of assumed that you were done with me, but you were there. I swear in that moment my heart managed to rebuild itself only to be shattered again when you barely even looked at me. It was like all the hope had escaped me and all I could do was trudge on. So I sang my solo, and I said my lines, but... you were there. You were in the audience. And  _every_  time I saw you sitting there I momentarily lost my footing as pain flooded my attempts at emptiness.

"After the show I went to find you because, hell, I might not be getting you back, but I wanted one last chance to apologize. But then you" Blaine's voice dissolved into sobs for a minute before he regained control of himself "you cut me off and told me you didn't trust me, and then said this wasn't  _home_  anymore.

"I spent two hours crying on the floor in that hallway Kurt, and do you know how many people paused to ask me if I was ok? Do you want to know how many of my cast mates tried to comfort me? Or at least text me to ask why I wasn't at the cast party? None of them. Not one. In that moment I had absolutely no one. And it didn't look like I ever was going to again. So I drove home. I-" Blaine's voice cut out as he tried to get the words out. "I almost just drove myself into a tree that night Kurt."

"Blaine! Honey" Kurt gasped into the phone.

"I didn't do it, obviously," Blaine said harshly before all the energy drained out of his voice once more "but... after spending a car ride seriously considering doing  _that_  I decided I needed a break from Ohio. I got home that night and packed a bag. I grabbed enough clothes to last me two weeks, dug up the money I'd been stashing outside my bank account, left a note for my parents, and headed to California. When my parents got home three days later and called me they made me promise to call them at least once a week and to finish my GED, but they let me stay here. I'm not sure if they didn't want to deal with me or if they understood, but here I am. I eventually got a call from Sam to check in on me, and, ok that made me feel bad because he sounded really upset that I left without saying anything, but, it's been nice to live here. I haven't exactly managed to escape myself like I initially intended to, but I've kind of found part of myself that was missing." There was a moment of quiet before Blaine ended his story with a shaky "And that is the story of why I'm in California, not Lima."

A silence stretched between them . "Blaine..." Kurt whispered, "I am so sorry, I had no idea."

Blaine chuckled darkly "I know. That's kind of why I had to tell you the whole story."

"I... Can I... I think I need to process this all properly before I can talk without sobbing loudly into the phone, so would it be alright if I call you back tomorrow?"

"Yeah" Blaine sniffed. "Sure, that's fine. I mean I didn't really think I would get to talk to you ever again, so even just this was more than I could have hoped for."

"Oh Blaine, I am so sorry. I really  _really_  am. I'll give you a call tomorrow morning ok?"

"Ok, I love you."

"Bye, I love you too Blaine."

To Blaine's surprise, Kurt did in fact call back the next day. They ended up talking for three hours before Rachel banged in the door with Brody, and Kurt had to go make sure they didn't burn the apartment down.

After that, the two of them fell into a routine of talking every night. In a way, it was exactly as Blaine had hoped things would go in the first place while Kurt was in New York. It still stung a bit when Blaine considered the fact that it was probably only this way because Blaine had dumped all of his fears and emotions on Kurt, but either way, it had been two weeks and there still had yet to be a day when they didn't talk for at least thirty minutes. Thirty Rachel-free, both-of-them-talking-about-their-lives, minutes. There was even the night where Kurt told Blaine he'd gotten into NYADA and they'd spent an hour talking about Carmen righting her wrongs and how Kurt would blow the competition out of the water in all of his classes. As long as he didn't insist on having constant sing offs with his dance teacher.

A week before Christmas, Blaine was slowly packing up his belongings and tying up some loose ends. He had found what he'd needed by being away. He'd forgiven himself for cheating, and his parents were demanding that he be home by Christmas. It would take him two or three long days of driving to get back, and while he didn't have much stuff with him, he had to make sure that he quit his job, talked to his landlord about breaking his lease, and he had to call McKinley and talk them into letting him go back to school after the break with no grade penalties. Basically, he had a lot to do and very little time to do it in.

After he had finished eating the lasagna he had made himself (after spending the first week living off ramen and frozen food Blaine had forced himself to try actually cooking things) there was a knock on his door. Blaine startled slightly. There were two days before he planned to depart (five until Christmas) and it wasn't as though he had friends in the area that knew where he lived. After a moment, he stood up and cautiously opened the door.

"May I hel- Kurt?" Blaine asked, registering the figure on the other side of his door.

"Hi" Kurt replied with an awkward wave, his other hand tightening around the handle of his suitcase. "I know I didn't tell you I was coming, so feel free to kick me out, but I just really missed you and I figured, with my family visiting some of Carol's family, I could visit you."

Blaine continued to stare at Kurt in open-mouthed shock. It was both because  _Kurt_ of all people was there and because no one had visited Blaine. No one.

"I umm, I got your address from your parents" Kurt stated awkwardly, not sure how to read Blaine's silence. "I can just go and pretend I never showed up if you want" he finished lamely, half turning to walk back outside.

"No!" Blaine exclaimed grabbing Kurt's suitcase and tugging it towards him to stop Kurt. "I'm sorry; I'm just in shock because you're here, wow. It's a good shock though. Please come inside. You must be tired from your flight. I have some lasagna if you're hungry." As Blaine turned and walked inside, Kurt followed him, taking in the small studio apartment that Blaine had been calling home for over a month now.

"So this is it? What's with the boxes?"

"I- oh. I forgot I hadn't told you. I'm moving back to Lima in two days. My parents want me home for Christmas and they kept going on about me finishing school at home, so I'm going back. I like it here a lot, but it's never been home. I found what I was looking for when I left, and now it's time to go back and stop running away from everything else."

Kurt briefly reached out and squeezed Blaine's shoulder before pulling away.

"Anyways," Blaine continued, hand tingling slightly from where Kurt had touched him "the bathroom is there, and I can, umm I can crash on the couch if you want to take the bed?"

"Blaine, I'm not kicking you out of your bed."

"Well guests don't sleep on the couch and you probably don't want me sharing the bed with you, so..." he trailed off staring down at where his foot was drawing random patterns into the carpet. If this were three months ago they would both be over the moon about a parentless space that contained a bed and no concern about someone walking in on them.

"Blaine," Kurt waited for him to look up and stepped a bit closer when he did. "I would be up for sharing the bed, if you're alright sharing it. Either way though, I randomly showed up at your door so you should have the bed."

Blaine visibly startled at Kurt's words. "You- you what?"

Kurt tried not to laugh at the adorable look of confusion and surprise on Blaine's face. "I would not be opposed to sharing a bed with you." He paused for a moment, deliberating about whether to go on or not, but finally decided that he was here and he might as well go all in. "I actually kind of wanted to talk to you about getting back together? After we broke up and finally started  _talking_  again I kind of realized that we both had some issues and relationship flaws we had to work out. I'd like to try dating again – I miss you and we've gotten a lot of our feelings out in the open. And despite you forgetting to tell me about moving back home, I'd like to think that we've been doing a better job of communicating these past couple of weeks. So I was thinking it would be something we could discuss. But only if you want that."

"I-  _Kurt_." Blaine choked out.

"We should discuss it in the morning, just, think about it?"

"Kurt, I-"

"Not now, tomorrow?" Kurt interrupted.

"Ok, yeah, sure" Blaine replied, slightly shocked.

Silence stretched between them for a few minutes before Blaine broke it. "Do you want to use the bathroom while I heat up some lasagna for you?"

Kurt nodded and, releasing his suitcase, strode to the bathroom. Pausing in the doorway, he looked back at Blaine. "Thank you for letting me just barge in like this."

"Anytime Kurt, anytime."

Two hours later they were both lying in Blaine's bed trying to fall asleep, when Kurt spoke. "I can't believe you know how to make lasagna now."

"I can't believe that it's better than the lasagna you make." Kurt rolled over and smacked Blaine's chest. "Ow! Hey, you're the one who said mine was better than yours!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say mister." Kurt mumbled in reply, distracted by Blaine's hand, which had trapped Kurt's to his chest before he could pull it away. Eventually, Blaine ended up half sprawled on top of Kurt, exactly as he would always end up on the few occasions that they had fallen asleep together.

"Hey Kurt?"

"Yeah Blaine?"

"I've missed you too."

Kurt kissed the top of Blaine's head as he snuggled in closer. "I know" he whispered. As Blaine fell asleep, his breathing grew shallower, Kurt murmured "I love you" into his hair. Blaine seemed to burrow deeper into Kurt's chest at the words but that was his only response.

The next morning Kurt woke up to an empty bed. He panicked for a moment, forgetting where he was, and then upon remembering, he freaked out all over again as to where Blaine might've gone. He finally sat up, turning on a light and looking around. Nothing seemed to be missing, so it wasn't as though Blaine had run off, but he also didn't see Blaine anywhere or hear him in the bathroom. Kurt finally glanced to his right and noticed a piece of paper lying on the nightstand.

Kurt-  
I forgot to mention that I have work this morning. I don't get off until 4 unfortunately. My boss decided to trap me there for longer than usual, as it's my last day! In the meantime, make yourself at home. Feel free to eat any food in the kitchen (seriously, eat it or else I have to throw it out) and whatever else. Work is right around the corner at Marmalade Cafe, in case you need to find me to ask any questions. I hope you slept well… I know I did.  
Love,  
Blaine 3

Kurt ended up spending most of his day sending off some emails and finishing out some work for Isabelle. Even though his internship was technically over, there were still a few tasks that he wanted to get done in hopes that he could go back for the summer or something. Plus, he wanted to make sure he was set for NYADA in the spring.

Around lunchtime, he considered stopping by the cafe to visit Blaine at work, but he instead ended up making lunch from the remnants of Blaine's fridge as Mercedes had chosen to call him right before he was going to leave.

"I stopped by to visit you this morning because you told me that you were flying out yesterday, but Finn told me that you hadn't come home yet. What's the deal white boy?"

"You're home!?" Kurt squealed into the phone. "We really need to catch up."

"...I'm still not hearing an explanation as to where you are that isn't Lima so we can do just that" Mercedes said accusingly through the phone.

"It's... well it's kind of a long story, but basically, I should be home in three or four days? I haven't actually talked to Blaine about what the plan is."

"Woah woah woah. Hold up." Mercedes intoned, sounding as though she was snapping her fingers in a weird attempt to slow him down. "Blaine? Three or four days?"

"I... yeah. So I didn't really tell anyone because I wanted to surprise Blaine, and, well, it's Blaine's business, but, you know how Blaine and I have been talking recently?"

"Uh huh..."

"Well, I flew out to San Diego to visit him, and he's driving back home tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'm invited to join him, but, well, I guess that depends on the outcome of our conversation later."

"Wait, if you're with him now, why are you talking like he isn't there?"

"Well, I'm at his apartment; he's at work right now."

"Why the fuck does he have an apartment and a job in San Diego?"

"That's the long story part, I... that's for him to tell. Or at least for me to get his permission to tell. Either way, I'll be home tomorrow if he doesn't want me driving back with him, or in two to three days if I join him."

"Alright. You'll call me when you get home though?" she asked in a slightly worried tone.

"Of course. You'll be my first stop as soon as I see my dad."

"Ok, I gotta go, but I'll see you soon. Love ya Kurt."

"Love you too, bye." Kurt hung up the phone and leaned against the wall. There was so much he and Blaine had to talk about that he hadn't even considered. Where they stood with each other wasn't even that great a concern to Kurt at this point. Well, it was, but that was between them. It was the fact that Blaine was going to show up in Lima again, people would be sure to pester him about his departure, and his return, and he did not want Blaine feeling as though he had to spill his guts to everyone.

After staring at nothing for a while, pondering this, Kurt finally pulled himself together. There was no use worrying about it until Blaine got back. It was Blaine's issue to deal with first and foremost. Kurt could only be there to support him if he needed help.

When Blaine got off his shift at 4 he bolted as quickly as he could. He hugged his co-worker Jenna, who had probably been his closest friend while he had been in San Diego, goodbye and ran out the door. Kurt was in his apartment and they had things to talk about. Kurt was there. Kurt was in his bed this morning. He had been there last night. There wasn't any awkwardness between them really. As long as Kurt was still there when he got back, Blaine would hope for the best. It was all he had been able to think about all day. It didn't help him any that Kurt had asked to discuss getting back together. He knew that would mean a long, emotion filled conversation, but he was ready for it. They both were.

Luckily, the walk was incredibly short and Blaine found himself cautiously opening his apartment door moments later. He tentatively poked his head inside and sighed in relief when he saw Kurt hunched over his laptop at the counter. Kurt looked up when he heard the door close behind Blaine.

"Hi" Kurt said, smiling brightly. "How was work?"

"Good" Blaine replied, walking over to Kurt and rounding the counter cautiously to stand next to him. "How was your day? What have you been up to?"

"I got some things done for work, made sure all my paperwork was set for NYADA, and talked to Mercedes for a bit."

"Did you... did you tell her about this?" Blaine asked nervously, gesturing vaguely around the apartment.

"I told her that I was in San Diego visiting you but I didn't explain why you were here. I kind of wanted to talk to you about that first. I'm not sure what you want people to know about this whole thing? I didn't want to overstep and tell Mercede's, or anyone else for that matter, something that you don't want them knowing."

Blaine sighed, "I've been thinking about that too. I figure once I get back to McKinley I'll have to face all of the New Directions demanding answers about where I've been. God, what if they blame me for losing Sectionals?"

Kurt reached out and rested a hand on Blaine's arm. "They won't blame you for losing Sectionals. They lost because that new girl, Marley, passed out. To be honest if we're blaming people for this it should be Mr. Schue for leaving before Sectionals and not ensuring that you all were working as a team before he left. From what Santana told me, that Kitty girl has been undermining Marley since day one." Blaine nodded his head and shifted his weight towards Kurt.

"The story that I'm going to tell all of them when I get back is that I've been struggling with some things and I just needed to escape for a bit." Blaine moved his hand, placing it over Kurt's and stroking the back of it lightly. "I'll let them know that I sorted myself out and that I'm back at McKinley until graduation. And if they'll take me back in New Directions I would love to be there."

"New Directions doesn't actually exist at the moment" Kurt said softly. "When they lost Sectionals it kind of fell apart."

"What?!" Blaine exclaimed, taking a step back in shock. "They lost Sectionals and decided to just throw in the towel?"

"Apparently, yes. Finn and Marley tried to get everyone back together but apparently Sue is making things difficult for them as usual."

"That's ridiculous. I'll just have to try my best to get everyone back together myself then" Blaine resolved.

"If anyone could do it, it's you" Kurt replied softly. The two of them fell into silence as they thought about the next few weeks. Eventually they made dinner, talking about inconsequential things as they cooked. Afterwards they settled on the couch and Blaine brought up his trip to Lima.

"So I'm driving back to my parents' house tomorrow... were you thinking about coming with me? Or did you want to fly back?"

Kurt watched a nervousness fill Blaine as he asked the question, confidence fading away.

"I would love to join you on the car ride back, if you're fine with me joining. We can split gas or something if you want. I didn't actually get a flight home because I wasn't sure how long you'd want me to stay. A road trip would be interesting though."

"You really want to drive back with me then?" Blaine asked, surprise clear in his eyes.

"Of course."

"Ok, well, you don't have to pay for gas or anything because my parents actually said they would fund that, but I'd love the company."

"Great" Kurt grinned, smile widening when he caught the look of happiness on Blaine's face. "I'll have to call my dad in the morning to let him know, but good. We can catch up more and have sing a longs and maybe even stop at some cool sights!"

Blaine smiled fondly at Kurt as he spoke. "We can definitely do that. We even have the time to make it a three-day trip if you want. Get some extra sight-seeing time in!"

"That. Sounds. Wonderful." Kurt breathed out.

"I do have to warn you though, much of the drive is boring flat land."

"Oh I'm sure we'll come up with a way to make it more interesting."

After that, their conversation veered into the land of reality TV and fashion. At midnight, they declared their day done and collapsed into bed together. This time they easily curled together and fell asleep with plans of hitting the road at 9 am the next morning. Things were looking up.

When Blaine woke up the next morning it was to find that Kurt had already hopped into the bathroom and it sounded as though he had just begun to shower. Resigning himself to the idea that Kurt would probably be in there for a while, Blaine changed into some comfortable yet presentable clothes and headed out the door.

He returned from the bakery down the street, with two coffees in hand and a bag of baked goods held in his mouth. Upon entering the apartment, Blaine looked up to see a somewhat harried looking Kurt sagging with relief against the counter. "Oh thank god, for a minute there I thought you'd run off on me."

"Nope. Never." Blaine replied, smiling slightly at how worried Kurt had been about  _him_. He definitely still cared.

Kurt's expression, however, darkened slightly for a moment. "What?" Blaine asked cocking his head in concern.

"It's just that... you did kinda run off on me there."

Blaine sighed, hating the pained expression on Kurt's face. "I didn't run off on you, so much as I ran off on myself."

"I know, you're right, I'm sorry" Kurt apologized, waving his hand in attempts to brush it off.

"Kurt... if it's something that is growing into a legitimate fear we need to talk about it. Last time we stopped talking and this time... well, whatever this becomes or is, we need to learn how to talk again. Insecurities and issues should be at the top of the list."

"Well look who's all mature now." Kurt teased with a grin. After a moment though, he grew serious again. He reached out his hand and gripped Blaine's for a moment. "We do definitely have to work on all of that." Blaine grinned. It was a bit stop and go with them, but they seemed to be on the same page for the moment. As far as relationship pitfalls were concerned at least.

"I got you coffee."

"Oh, so you haven't started downing two coffees at once then?"

Blaine huffed a laugh. "No. Here" he pushed one towards Kurt. "Nonfat mocha. I'm assuming that's still your drink of choice..."

"You know" Kurt mused, picking the coffee cup up and wrapping his hands around it. "I never used to drink coffee."

"You didn't?"

"No, I'd had it maybe once or twice freshman and sophomore year, but it wasn't anything I drank regularly."

"When did that change?" Blaine asked, a slightly knowing smirk with a mixture of disbelief crossing his face. "Well, you see," Kurt said, sitting down on a stool across from Blaine. "I went to spy on our competition at Sectionals my junior year of high school and this boy..." Kurt's eyes got a far off look as he spoke, and a soft smile curved the corner of his mouth. "...he figured me out, and then what did he do? He asked me to coffee. And since I didn't want to cause any extra trouble I just ordered the first drink I saw on the menu in hopes that he and his friends wouldn't beat me up and it'd all turn out ok." Blaine snorted into his coffee but there was a fond look in his eyes.

"I still can't believe you thought we were going to beat you up."

"It was a reasonable conclusion!" Kurt exclaimed, sounding affronted. "The year before Jesse St. James had infiltrated our glee club, gotten Rachel to fall in love with him, and then had his glee club egg her. I think I was justified in my fear."

"I still can't believe they actually did that.  _And_  got away with it. Sometimes I can't help but wonder how the hell these things happen to New Directions when every other glee club seems to sail through relatively calm waters."

"Ugh. I don't even know."

They lapsed into silence after that, Blaine passing the bag of pastries over to Kurt for him to take his pick, and then eating the remaining one. Once they finished eating Blaine hopped into the bathroom to get ready for the day while Kurt cleaned up. It was oddly domestic in a way, and Blaine would have enjoyed the feeling, but it was mixed with hurt feelings and tensions that should not have been there. Not to mention the fact that even though Kurt had brought up getting back together on the first day they hadn't actually talked about it again. The idea was still just floating between them.

They packed up Blaine's car and finally departed around 10am. It was later than Blaine would have left had he been traveling alone, but he would take it. He would prefer a long road trip with Kurt to being alone any day.

As they drove out of San Diego, Blaine pointed various places out to Kurt, but mostly they did not talk. As they left the city, Kurt turned the radio on. They fell into old habits of singing loudly along to every song. When the station finally cut to commercials Blaine brought up the route they were taking.

"Driving down here I went kind of aimlessly through Nebraska and Colorado and it took me five days. This time the plan is to drive through Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, and then up through Oklahoma, Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, and finally Ohio. My phone says it will take 33 hours or so but I think we can shave off some time. I figure we'll stop in Albuquerque New Mexico tonight and then hopefully make it to Springfield Missouri tomorrow night if that's alright?"

"Sounds great" Kurt replied, grinning lazily over at Blaine.

Somewhere in the middle of Arizona, Blaine looked over at Kurt to say something to him only to hear him emit a soft snore. Blaine smiled at how adorable he looked and returned his focus to the road.

"Kurt?" Kurt heard the voice as though it were far away. After a moment, he felt someone nudging his shoulder and managed to blink himself awake.

"What?" he asked groggily, looking around in an attempt to make sense of where he was. "Blaine? Where are we?"

He glanced back at Blaine and saw a smile flash across his face. "We're in Albuquerque sitting outside the Sheraton. You fell asleep a few hours ago."

"Ugh. Sorry" Kurt groaned. He unbuckled his seatbelt and stretched out. When he had finished, he returned his hands to his lap and looked over at Blaine. As he opened his mouth to speak, he registered the blush on Blaine's face and the way that he ducked his head momentarily as though he'd just been caught staring at Kurt. Kurt bit back a giggle in order to speak, blushing lightly because Blaine had just been staring at him. Somehow he  _still_  wasn't quite used to the attention. "I hope I didn't snore."

"You didn't" Blaine quickly replied. "Well- you did a little bit, but it was rather adorable so no worries."

"Please say you didn't record it for evidence," Kurt groaned.

"I would never." Blaine replied in a mock-offended tone. Just then, Blaine's stomach gave a loud rumble. "I don't know about you but I'm hungry. Care to check in at the hotel and then seek out some food?"

"I could be persuaded to do that" Kurt grinned. "Let's go."

They got out of the car and checked into the hotel. After much discussion with the clerk, they ended up in a $100 hotel room with one king sized bed. Blaine had repeatedly asked Kurt if he was comfortable with it until Kurt had finally threatened to pay for the whole thing himself if Blaine didn't just get on with it.

At ten o'clock, they were sprawled on the bed with a large pizza between them. Originally they had been planning to venture out to a restaurant, but because it was so late and they were both tired, they decided to stay in. This also gave them some time to begin the conversation they had been putting off.

"So..." Kurt began as the show they had been watching ended.

"...What?"

"Time for a heart to heart over pizza?"

"Oh" Blaine's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Sure. Let me just-" Blaine fumbled around for the remote before managing to turn the TV off. "Ok."

"I'm not sure where to start really but I'm... well, like I said before, I think-" Kurt paused and took a big breath, seeming to center himself. "I know I'm ready to give us another shot."

"Does that mean...?" Blaine trailed off, quirking an eyebrow in question with a slice of pizza halfway to his mouth. "You've forgiven me then?"

"I have." Kurt sighed loudly before spinning so he was facing Blaine completely. "I think I forgave you a few weeks ago, but we just needed time to rebuild other things. I realized that you cheating wasn't completely out of the blue. I know you explained it all to me a month ago, but it took a while for me to digest and come to terms with.

"Blaine, I'm really sorry that I wasn't paying you the attention you deserve. I got caught up in work and my new life and the whirlwind that is living with Rachel, but that's no excuse for making you feel as though you were unimportant by steamrollering over you and barely paying attention to you during what little time we had to talk." Kurt reached out to hold Blaine's empty left hand in his own. "Clearly this past month has shown that when we're both actively trying to communicate, things work. And I miss you."

Blaine gulped loudly. He set his pizza down carefully and squeezed Kurt's hand. "We used to be the best at communication before we started dating. Then I think we both just became afraid that we would lose the other if we said something wrong and we just... stopped."

"That sounds about right" Kurt replied, nodding in agreement. "So... that's kind of all I wanted to say. I realized that as long as we make a pact to be honest as soon as something starts going wrong, then I have no problem trying the long distance thing again. I trust you not to cheat again. So if you want to try then I do too."

Blaine glanced down at his lap for a moment trying to blink back tears. "I would- I would love that Kurt. I just. Promise me we'll both always take a little time to make sure we're still functioning equally? Because I know I have trouble voicing issues sometimes and I'm trying to get better at it" Blaine's voice filled with tears as words rushed out of him. "But sometimes it's really difficult because there's this voice in the back of my head telling me that I need to deal with it by myself. And I know I don't, I do. I just need more time to quash that voice once and for all as far as you're concerned."

Blaine stopped talking and Kurt reached over to brush some tears away with his thumb before sliding the pizza over and pulling Blaine into his lap.

"Shhh, it's ok baby. We can work on it together. We know why we fell apart and we know what needs to be done to make sure it doesn't happen again. Everything will be ok." Kurt bent down and pressed a kiss into Blaine's damp curly hair, rocking him back and forth slightly as he hiccupped himself back into silence.

They sat there for almost an hour, just holding onto each other and reveling in being close once more, Blaine eventually drifting off to sleep. Kurt was finally forced from his thoughts at 11:30 by the vibrating of his phone. Kurt carefully pulled it out of his pocket with every intention of ignoring the call in favor of holding Blaine, but the picture on the caller ID made him answer it.

"Hi dad" he whispered, attempting to release himself from Blaine's hold without waking him.

"Hey bud. Why are ya whispering?"

Kurt grabbed a key and stepped into the hall, sinking to the floor outside the door. Raising his voice to a normal level, he replied. "Blaine fell asleep and I didn't want to wake him."

"You guys found a hotel then?"

"Yeah, we got here a few hours ago and got dinner. We're in Albuquerque."

"Anything else you want to tell me?" Burt asked gruffly, a knowing note in his voice.

"I- yeah. Nothing official yet, but unless I'm reading our conversation really wrong, Blaine and I are getting back together."

"You sure you can handle that, kid?" Burt asked.

"I think so- I hope so. We talked about it, and we both agreed that as long as we keep up two way communication and pay attention to the other's needs, we'll be able to do it."

"Well, I'm glad to hear it. It's about damn time that you kids worked it out. Things have been slightly off between you for ages -even before you broke up- and I'm glad you finally did something about it."

"Thanks dad" Kurt whispered softly. "I'm glad we figured it out too."

"Course you are. Anyways, I should get to bed, but call me when you get to the hotel tomorrow night? Just so I know you're alright?"

"Definitely."

"Goodnight Kurt, I love you."

"I love you too Dad."

Kurt hung up the phone and sat in the hall a moment longer staring at the wall in front of him deep in thought. Finally, he got up and re-entered the room. In his absence, Blaine had managed to curl himself around a pillow. Kurt smiled at the sight before gently shifting Blaine under the covers and joining him.

The next morning was surprisingly not awkward. Blaine's alarm woke them up at 8am. Blaine showered while Kurt made coffee and then Blaine grabbed breakfast for them while Kurt showered. They're checked out of the hotel and hitting the road before 10. They don't really say much at first, both groggy and lost in their own thoughts. After the first rest stop however, they begin their usual chatter.

Nothing of real substance was said, but halfway through the day Blaine reached across and laces his fingers with Kurt's, settling his hand in his lap and glancing over at Kurt to make sure it was ok. Kurt merely smiles in response and gripped his hand more tightly.

They finally reached Springfield late that evening. They tumbled out of the car, both exhausted, and after eliciting a promise from Blaine that he would let Kurt drive tomorrow, they went out for a late dinner.

The dinner mostly consisted of a peaceful silence between the two of them. They were both lost in their own thoughts and holding hands across the table is really the only connection either of them needed for the time being. It wasn't until halfway through the pasta that Blaine broke the silence.

"So are we really doing this?"

"...Eating?"

"No," Blaine laughed nervously. "Dating again."

"Oh" Kurt straightened up in his seat, tightening his grasp on Blaine's hand. "Yes. I mean- As long as you're on board with it we are."

"Ok" Blaine grinned down at his plate, twirling spaghetti onto his fork. "...Can we count this as a date then?"

"Does this mean I get to have my way with you after dinner?"

"Only if you play your cards right."

"So, this is me..." Kurt said coyly when they halt in front of their hotel room. "Would you like to come in for a drink?"

Blaine snorted into Kurt's shoulder in response before nodding his head.

"Fuck. I think I left my key in the room." Kurt muttered, patting his pockets to make sure he had not missed it.

"Well lucky for you" Blaine said, pulling out his wallet and whipping out a key "this happens to be my hotel room as well and I didn't forget my key." He slid the card into the slot, unlocking the door and letting them in. They both stepped inside, toeing off their shoes and taking their jackets off.

Blaine flopped down on the bed while he waited for Kurt to finish hanging up his jacket. He closed his eyes, smiling happily to himself. He had Kurt back. Sure, they would have to say goodbye soon, but Blaine wasn't worried or afraid in the way he had been the first time Kurt left. He felt more solid in  _them_  than he had felt in over a year.

"Hey you." Blaine heard Kurt say teasingly, mattress dipping slightly as Kurt sat down on it.

Blaine opened his eyes, reaching out for Kurt and pulling him closer. "Hey" he murmured, eyes twinkling in delight as Kurt bent down to kiss him.

Twenty minutes later they jumped apart at the sound of Kurt's phone ringing. "Fuck." Kurt groaned. "I forgot to call my dad. Hang on." Kurt sat up, disentangling himself from Blaine. "Hey dad, I- I know. We're here. I'm sorry I forgot to call you. ...ok, yeah I will dad. ...Love you too." Kurt hung up the phone, tossing it onto the nightstand.

"Is your dad mad?"

"No" Kurt shrugged, turning over to crawl on top of Blaine. "He was a bit annoyed with me but he was forgiving."

"Good. I wouldn't want him to hate me more for keeping you from calling him."

"Blaine. My dad does not hate you."

"Are you sure? After what happened I wouldn't blame him for it..." Blaine trailed off, looking anywhere but at Kurt.

Kurt tilted Blaine's chin up to look him in the eye. "He doesn't hate you, he's never hated you. He was upset with you at first when I finally told him about our breakup, but he trusted you when I didn't and believed there was more to the story."

"Ok" Blaine sniffed.

"Now may I continue kissing you? I was having fun with that."

"Always."

They wake up later than planned. They had stayed up late; talking, kissing, and reacquainting themselves with each other's bodies so they had forgotten to set an alarm. When Kurt shot out of bed at 10:30, realizing the time and that check out was in thirty minutes he went into panic mode.

"Blaine" he hissed. "Blaine, wake up." He shook Blaine's shoulder, which merely resulted in Blaine rolling over towards him.

Blaine reached an arm out and tried to tug Kurt to him. "Mmm sleepin'." He mumbled into his pillow.

Kurt leaned over and nuzzled his face into the space above Blaine's collarbone for a moment before straightening up and wriggling out of his grasp. "Come on you, check out is in twenty five minutes." Blaine merely groaned into his pillow in response. "Blaaiine" Kurt said teasingly as he headed towards the bathroom "If you get up in the next sixty seconds you can join me in the shower…" With that, Kurt walked into the bathroom, leaving the door open a crack as Blaine bolted upright in bed, sheets falling down to bare his torso.

They somehow made it out of the room before check out with two minutes to spare, and from there they managed to make it back to Lima around 8. Blaine pulled up in front of the house and took the keys out of the ignition.

He helped Kurt unload his suitcase and brought it to the door for him. "Well… I'll see you tomorrow at some point?" Blaine asks as they awkwardly hover by the door, Blaine not wanting to leave, and Kurt not wanting to say goodbye.

"Yes. We'll make plans?" Kurt asked as he pulled Blaine into a hug.

They hugged tightly for a moment before they both pulled back. They kissed for a long moment and pulled apart completely, Blaine about to leave, when the door opened.

"You boys going to stand out there all night?" Burt asked.

"I was just going sir" Blaine replied, gesturing behind him and taking a step back. "I'll see you tomo-"

"Why don't you join us for dinner? We're just about to sit down."

"I wouldn't want to impose…" Blaine trailed off at a pointed glare from both Kurt and Burt. "Let me just call my parents to let them know?" Both of them give him an approving look, Burt stepping backwards and gesturing them into the house.

"Come on in then."

"Goodnight Kurt, IT WAS NICE TO SEE YOU BURT. Thanks for having me" Blaine called over his shoulder as Kurt pulled him outside towards the car.

"It was nice to see you too" Burt called back, chuckling.

Kurt and Blaine reach the car moments later, fingers laced between them. They both stopped walking when they reached the door, Blaine leaning against it before getting in.

"I-"

"Coffee tomorrow?" Blaine blurted out.

"As long as it's not the Lima Bean." Kurt shivered. "I swear I saw a rat while I was working there."

"Ok," Blaine grinned lazily up at Kurt, pulling him closer for a quick kiss on the nose. "Anywhere but the Lima Bean. You pick a time and a place, I'll be there."

"Alright. 10am good?" Blaine nodded. "I'll text you with a place in the morning. Mercedes might insist on crashing though..."

Blaine wrapped his arms tightly around Kurt, pulling him into a hug as he cradled his head on Kurt's shoulder. "I suppose I could put up with a third wheel... just as long as I get to hold your hand."

"You can always hold my hand Blaine."

With one last kiss goodbye, Blaine climbed into his car, buckling his seatbelt as he watched Kurt retreat into the house. Things might still be a bit shaky between them, but they were both going to do better this time. They had learned from their mistakes, and while Blaine knew they would both make mistakes again in the future, he hoped that their vow to communicate honestly would help them weather any storm.


End file.
